3 Poems

Poem 1: Afghan Landay

        Original Draft:      My people scorched, called “just damnation”.

The blood of my people fell as precipitation.

Revised Draft: My people scorched for “just damnation”,

reasoned as leading us to glorious salvation.

Poem 2: Japanese Tanka

        Original Draft:                Valleys everywhere

Butterflies diving quite low

Quacking duckbills boom

Moths dancing all around you

Clouds wisping through the wild winds

          Revised Draft:          Beautiful bright trees

Disgusting giant buildings

Beautiful bright bees

Artificial clouds inflate

Caught in a burning vapor

Poem 3: Free Verse

Original Draft: Geeeeaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I wanna  to ate sum aple sauce!!!!!!!!!!

I wanna play with billy!!!

I want to hang with Clara.

Wish I had some money.

I want to go to college.

I am going to get a job.

I need to meet someone.

I need a raise.

I am going to build a crib.

I need money.

I ought to get a more expensive car.

I would like to retire.

I can’t wait for my grandchildren!!!!

Why didn’t  little Timmy invite me to his game?!?!

Geeeeaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Revised Draft:

Wail(s)

(Santa)

(School)

(Job)

(Sports)

(College)

  (Career)

(Job)

(Marriage)

(Children)

(Promotion)

(Retire)

(Tranquility)

(Grandchildren)

Wail(s)