Wednesday, April 29, 2015

3 Poems

Poem 1: Afghan Landay

        Original Draft:      My people scorched, called “just damnation”.
The blood of my people fell as precipitation.

Revised Draft: My people scorched for “just damnation”,
reasoned as leading us to glorious salvation.

Poem 2: Japanese Tanka

        Original Draft:                Valleys everywhere
Butterflies diving quite low
Quacking duckbills boom
Moths dancing all around you
Clouds wisping through the wild winds

          Revised Draft:          Beautiful bright trees
Disgusting giant buildings
Beautiful bright bees
Artificial clouds inflate
Caught in a burning vapor

Poem 3: Free Verse

Original Draft: Geeeeaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I wanna  to ate sum aple sauce!!!!!!!!!!

I wanna play with billy!!!

I want to hang with Clara.

Wish I had some money.

I want to go to college.

I am going to get a job.

I need to meet someone.

I need a raise.

I am going to build a crib.

I need money.

I ought to get a more expensive car.

I would like to retire.

I can’t wait for my grandchildren!!!!

Why didn’t  little Timmy invite me to his game?!?!

Geeeeaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Revised Draft:

Wail(s)
(Santa)
(School)
(Job)
(Sports)
(College)
  (Career)
(Job)
(Marriage)
(Children)
(Promotion)
(Retire)
(Tranquility)
(Grandchildren)
Wail(s)

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